My first Blog Post! And it's about Poo!

So here I am at 31, thinking it would be a great idea to start a blog with my TikTok, Instagram and world travel endeavours. I was sitting there thinking about what would be a good first blog post, and then it dawned on me. Why not tell people that at 31, I got over my chronic IBS with five seemingly straightforward steps?

Now I am no medical professional, and the only reason I'm doing this as my first blog is that if I had known this 15 years ago, I would have enjoyed countless parties, holidays, dining experiences and commutes to work without the anxiety, pain, discomfort and embarrassment that is irritable bowel syndrome.

I have been to several specialists, mainly based in Ireland, and their go-to response is

''This is a chronic, incurable disease that you will have to learn to live with it!'' which I have done for many years. But, unfortunately, they never offered me any solutions other than over-the-counter anti-sh*tting yourself medication, which stopped working because I have been taking it for so long!

They then went on to talk about triggers, certain foods to avoid, and specific anxieties to remove yourself from and with that is the start of my list:

Preparation

I have travelled to a good few countries all around the world, and one of the significant considerable anxieties for me and anyone who suffers from IBS is what is the toilet situation going to be like in [ Insert any location ]. So with that said, if you're going on any mode of transportation, it's probably best not to have the vindaloo curry the night before or try oysters for the first time if you're going to be travelling the following day.

There is no shame in bringing a roll of toilet paper with you on your travels. I would rather be the weirdo with a full roll with me at all times than the gobshite having to walk around with no socks for the day because they're after being flushed away with the rest of your hopes and dreams of having a good time afterwards.

Peppermint

Peppermint tea is my savour! A hot peppermint tea before meals has helped me beyond words. I always thought it would taste like toothpaste, but it actually for me tastes like a mint aero bar.

Chewing

Remember when Lenny and Karl look at Homer eating in the Simpsons, and they call him a pig? Lenny goes no; he's more like a duck because pigs tend to chew. Chew your food basically into a paste.

You do not want to put extra work on your intestines/stomach when processing food. A good rule of thumb is that every year you are born, that's how many chews you need to do for every bite. Yes, it is an absolute pain, but trust me, it works.

Portion control

I'm the kind of guy who would easily, and I mean easily, smash two double quarter pounders with cheese & bacon, two large chips, two drinks and a sneaky box of 6 chicken nuggets.

I would eat all of this and then go... '' Hey, I don't feel good after that.'' This is because my body got used to eating big portions, and I believe it constantly produced too much bile at every meal to break down the food. So my body inherited the fight or flight response on every meal, even small ones, which gave me immediate diarrhoea because my stomach was either full of food or bile it needed to get rid of.

So instead of getting the double quarter pounder, chips, chicken nuggets and half a litre of some carbonated rust remover. Go for the single quarter pounder, small chips and three chicken nuggets with water; this will save you a literal SH*T TON of money and always remember it's ok to leave food on your plate.

Anxiety

For me, my main trigger was working in a highly stressful environment without going into too much detail. Stress is a massive factor in IBS, but you'll always be caught between a rock and a hard place regarding income. I worked for the same employer for nearly 13 years, grinding away doing what needed to be done because it was a great government pensionable job. I have now since left that horrible toxic place and everyone in it!

My advice will be if you're not doing a job you genuinely love, it's time to move on. Waking up in the morning and immediately going '' I hate that place'' and dreading the thoughts of even moving in the morning means the seed is already planted for you to find a new job.

Remove as much stress from your life as possible. Friends, family, a*seholes in work, you name it; if they're not bringing you some joy and are just draining you, it's time to move on. I had to do it with my Dad, and I've never looked back.

The End - Conclusion

That's my list of five super whopper deadly things to help prevent sh*tting yourself in public. In all honesty, I still do have triggers, I still have attacks, and yes, even though I have done all of the above, I have had to race through Jervice Street Shopping Centre, clenching my little bum hoping for any God out there for this sh*t storm not to happen in public.

But I would much rather have an attack once in a blue moon than a daily horrible occurrence leading to a spiral-triggering nightmare taking hold of all the love and joy in my life.

This will not happen overnight, but everything above will help you in the struggle with IBS. As all the make-up artists say on Youtube,'' Trust the process.'' Give it time, and it's ok to fall off the wagon when it comes to IBS; it's only natural, but once you start seeing the benefits of being able to go out and having fun with no debilitating disease always over your head, that's all that really matters.